Dom's Guide To Submissive Training: Step-by-step Blueprint On How To Train Your New Sub. A Must Read For Any Dom/Master In A BDSM Relationship

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Before you get into BDSM, you need to work out what you really want from submission. If you have a sign saying you’re here for the taking, people will take advantage of it.’

And we want to hear from you, too! As part of our podcast we’ll be sharing listeners’ experiences, thoughts and questions on a different theme every week. It can be hard to take the submissive personality out of the bedroom and into everyday life. Again, being completely submissive feels overwhelming at first, so start small. Work on keeping your words and demeanor respectful to your Master. Allow them the opportunity to make choices for you. Here are some areas you can start with when learning how to be a sub daily.

What Is Slave Training?

I’ve spoken to a few men who also consider themselves to be subs, and usually they’re struggling with the same type of thing where they have kind of a hard time trying to find someone that is OK with what they like,’ he says. There are two different elements at play here. One is discipline and the other is punishment. How are they different, you ask? Don’t they go hand in hand? Yes and no. By definition discipline is to train to act in accordance with a specific set of rules. This is like going to the gym when you are training for a race of some sort. Punishment is a consequence of breaking a set of rules that have been established. Think detention for being late to school. Two sides of the same coin that work together for the best desired outcome. Mistress Steel. It was part of her Steel’s Chamber Scrolls which is now defunct. Shared with Permission. Understanding the why behind the rules helps absolve the Dominant from feeling guilty from following through with the agreed upon consequence for breaking the rule. Punishments are the other side of the coin. You’ve agreed to terms. But say you are feeling slightly bratty or maybe you forget (as a sub) what you have agreed to. There are consequences for these behaviors. Maybe it’s early in the relationship and you are given a task. As a sub, your Dom may require proof that you have completed the task when you are out of his presence. Failure to complete the task will result in punishment.

In training you will learn your identity is not made of your individual achievements (although they are important) but your relational context with your Dom. You are his. That is the core of your identity. That is who you are in how you will define all the other roles and lenses you look through" (Section I:1). Sir introduces all toys and equipment by either presenting it to me or instructing me to fetch it for Him. He then presents it to my lips and I kiss it, typically a flogger, rope or a slapper, though a blindfold or other bondage instruments, hair brush, etc, are managed similarly. From the beginning my Sir requires me memorize this mantra and recite what S.O.A.P.means…. Anytime …. Even during a scene. You may deny permission to wear any item I have selected, in which case, I must change my clothing, or I just skip the item. If the red set is not clean, the tan or pink set is ok, if none of them are clean time to go commando again! Even if you have already done so once that week.At various times I have been corrected for not thanking Him for the orgasm He allowed me to have. I have begun to thank Him for blows He gives me in certain contexts, He has not commented either way on this, or corrected when I do not.

Handcuffs are another common restraint tool, and they tend to be quite user-friendly. While ropes are highly versatile, you don't have worry about your tying skills with handcuffs, and since you can also use cuffs to ensure the submissive partner is unable to touch themselves, they're handy for experimenting with orgasm denial. Start with some comfy Velcro cuffs, or if you want a realistic-looking pair, try these metal handcuffs from the Fifty Shades of Grey line on for size. 7. Play dress-up. Lines- Think like the bad students writing “I will not chew gum� First, some excellent books have been written on the subject of submission and dominance, and there are some very valuable online communities that cater to both veterans and novices. The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino provides an educated look at the topic, while SM 101 by Jay Wiseman provides the fundamentals of safe, sane S/M. Polyamory - Polyamorous relationships take many forms and can include many different levels of intimacy. The possibilities are limited only by the needs and desires of the parties involved. A poly lifestyle is really a challenge and for those that it works well for, it is worth it. Are you curious about poly relationships? Another thing to know about how to be a submissive is that being a sub also isn’t consenting to abuse. Unlike BDSM, abuse has no limits or safewords. If you are a sub in a D/s relationship, be very careful not to give your submission to just anyone. True submission to a Dom must be earned first. There are many bad and fake Doms out there, and even predators pretending to be Doms, so ensure you bookmark The 9 Warning Signs of Fake Doms vs Real Doms for later.

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You know what we're talking about — the things that make you go "Yikes!" Don't let these things turn you off of submission completely, though. Keep in mind that just because others enjoy something doesn't mean that you have to. Know your limits and stand firm. It all came down to money,” she says. “I couldn’t think of any other way to pay the medical bills. Sex work was something I knew and was good at it. Did I enjoy it? No. Most of the clients were sexually inept. Their fantasies were vapid and stupid. I had to put on a show, make a person my grandfather’s age think he was James Bond, make him feel like a hot stud when really he never hit the target.” As with all things in life, when it comes to dominance and submission, it's usually best to start small and work your way up. Maybe try a little fantasy role-playing before you completely submit to a full-time dominant. 4. Know your limits. From the introduction on out the book went downhill for me. Each chapter is written in a very direct way that is off-putting for me. I try to educate in the manner that all things are subject to the couple in the relationship, that things can and do change and develop through negotiation and common desires and needs. The author writes her book as if her way is the only way that training will happen. She uses words like "should, must, expect, essential" as if all submissives have the same expectations in training. That even a couple in medium-high protocol follows training in just this manner. You have every right as a person to ask to talk about something before it is done and if they won't then RUN AWAY!

Generally, true submissives have a desire to please a more dominant person and may even be turned on by the thought of being humiliated or overpowered. But don't think for a second that all submissives bend to everyone's whims in their everyday lives. Some submissives are individuals in truly powerful positions who simply want a release from their responsibilities from time to time. It’s been a fantastic journey to reread old articles and see the value from the other side of the slash and I wanted to share with you the key posts that stand out to me as valuable insights into a submissive and the D/s relationship that many are seeking. Submissive woman want to be given direction on what to do during sex. They want guidance on how to please you as well as what your expectations are of them. More specific I am going to discuss the simple art of directing your submissive’s body in general during sex, a scene or vanilla with a twist. “Look into my eyes!”“Put your arms above your head!”“Spread your legs for me!” Like I said earlier, discipline and punishment are two totally different things, but they are related. A good Dom will help teach the submissive how to push their limits. They are training the sub to be the best sub that they can be for them. To make things INTERESTING, In your comments please include one of each of your Sir’s A need, A command, A Desire….Spanking. Orgasm Denial. Silent treatment. All are forms of punishment that a Dominant can use to punish their submissive. Some people like the idea of punishments. In fact, that may be their biggest attraction to the BDSM way of life. But it’s not the main draw. Give or ask your sub what playful activities the two of you are willing to do in roleplaying and sexual games. As I came to know her over the years, to enjoy her dry sense of humor, her keen intelligence, her blunt manner of speaking that forces you to take off every mask, I learned the other side of her story too. Her real story is not a tragedy. It is a lesson of redemption and courage, second chances and taking chances. Above all, it is a story of empowerment.